One final question before I share your collective pearls of wisdom on talking to your doctor about sex with the American Medical Student Association members gathered at the Disneyland Resort.  I’ll let you know how the panel goes, but rest assured you have just made a tremendous impact on the future of sexual medicine and made the world a safer place for patients to discuss sexual health with doctors.

Today’s question:  If you could give your doctor one piece of advice on discussing sexual health concerns, what would it be?

If you can’t be honest with me, I can’t help you.  I tell all my clients that at the beginning of the very first session.  I strive to create a non-judgmental environment where people will feel comfortable sharing extremely private information.  Likewise, it is your doctor’s responsibility to make sure that you are treated with respect and to take your sexual health concerns seriously.  The doctor-patient relationship is a two-way street though.  You are responsible for being honest about your sexuality so that your doctor can do his/her job and make important decisions about your health care.

The students gathered at the annual conference of the American Medical Student Association want to know what they need to do to make you feel safe and as comfortable as possible talking about your sexual concerns and what mistakes they need to avoid that might jeopardize your willingness to give them all the information they need to help you.  I’ll tell them, if you tell me.

Today’s question:  Have you ever withheld information about your sexual behavior from your doctor?  What kept you from being completely honest?

Medical education relies heavily on the concept of preceptorships where each student shadows a physician observing the day-to-day practice of various medical specialties.  Experienced doctors can serve as models of professional, compassionate care, but they can also pass on bad habits.

When I speak to the “baby” docs at the American Medical Student Association’s 60th Annual Convention, I want to be able to them give examples of what works and what doesn’t work, when it comes to addressing sexual health, from a patient’s perspective.  Your voice has been the missing puzzle piece in training the next generation of doctors, until now.

Today’s question:  Have you had any positive interactions with a doctor around sexuality?  If so, what made it a good experience?  Describe a negative experience and how it could have been improved.

What do all the Viagra and Cialis ads tell you to do?  Talk to your doctor.  Sexuality is increasingly viewed through the lens of medicine.  Unhappy with an aspect of your sexual anatomy or performance?  There’s a pill, injection, or surgery for that.  But what if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your doctor about your sexual health concerns?

This Friday, 3/12, I will be traveling to the Disneyland Hotel to speak to the future of medicine at the annual conference of the American Medical Student Association.  I’ll be joined on the panel entitled, “Everything Doctors Want to Know About Sex, But Never Asked,” by cultural sexologist, Carol Queen, certified sexuality educator, Megan Andelloux, and Kat Wentworth director of Project Prepare.

I want to give you the opportunity to “speak” to these students and tell them what they need to know about providing sexual health care.  Today through Thursday I will pose a different question about sexual health and the role of your doctor in ensuring you have a happy, healthy sex life.  Tell me what you think and I’ll pass it on to the budding doctors who desperately want to learn how to make the doctor’s office a more sex positive environment.

Today’s question:  Do you think the doctor’s office is an appropriate place to seek help for sexual health concerns?

There it stood.  For about a week.  A tree in the panhandle of Golden Gate Park adorned with neon, orange penises.  Those are strange leaves, oh wait, those aren’t leaves, it’s a dildo tree!  The ultimate “woody.”  I’m glad I took this shot when I did because the very next day there was no trace of it.  I have no idea who put it up or what their inspiration was in the first place, nor do I know who took it down and why.

Each “ornament” appeared to be hand stitched, complete with balls.  There were thick ones, thin ones, short ones, and long ones.  Some of them even had a natural curvature.  Together they represented the wonderful variety of normal, healthy, human anatomy.  Fluttering in the breeze, in plain sight, they could be perceived as a symbol of power in a patriarchal society, a sexual provocation, or a whimsical, rogue art installation among many other explanations.

I’ll never know the whole story, but what if it was a magical dildo tree that granted sexual wishes?  What would you wish for?

Make a Wish!

No, not that “c” word, I’m talking about cancer.  Dr. Mark has been bringing sex out of the cancer closet since 2006 and she can be heard on The Stupid Cancer Show on Monday, March 1!

The Stupid Cancer Show is the voice of young adults affected by cancer. Unlike every other age group, this is about a generation of millions (aged 15-39) for whom there has been zero improvement in survival rates since Nixon. This is not OK! Hosted by young adult survivors Lisa Bernhard — acclaimed journalist and former Entertainment Correspondent for the Fox News Channel and Deputy Editor of TV Guide — and i[2]y Founder/CEO Matthew Zachary, we are challenging the status quo and demanding change from the establishment. It’s time. It’s our time. It’s about time. Stupid cancer. Survivors rule.

Jacking, Jilling, whacking, or fingering.  No matter what you call it, masturbation is the most accessible form of sexual expression.  But, thanks to a strict sexual dichotomy it seems that for every pleasure there is often an equal and opposite sense of guilt.

In a recent study reported in the Journal of Sex Research, 20 heterosexual, teenage (16-18) girls from a school in the south of England were asked about what discussions, if any, they have had with their parents about sex and relationships, their relationship histories, attitudes about their own body and masturbation, attitudes about safer sex, feelings of control in sexual situations, and other related issues.  Responses ranged from extremely negative to extremely positive.  Some girls felt that only boys should touch their genitals and even then it wasn’t pleasurable.  Others had unsuccessfully attempted masturbation only to end up feeling dirty, bad, or guilty.

On a positive note, a few of the girls described the discovery of masturbation as being accompanied by feelings of “amazement,” a sense of release, and inner calmness afterward.  Even with a positive attitude a few of these girls had struggled to overcome negative emotions associated with masturbation, however, what all these girls had in common was open communication with their parents.  They reported being able to talk about all topics, not just sex, without embarrassment or discomfort.

Discussions of masturbation tend to be few and far between and this silence only contributes to sexual shame and feelings of disgust.  If we are to move toward sexual health and happiness, it’s about time we began examining our attitudes toward masturbation.

You can start by considering these questions:  What is your masturbation narrative?  Do you find masturbation uncomfortable and uninteresting or rewarding and pleasurable?  If you are a parent, what conversations are you having with your children about masturbation?

Recommended Reading:

“Sex for One:  The Joy of Selfloving” by Betty Dodson

“I Am My Lover:  Women Pleasure Themselves” edited by Joani Blank

“Third Base Ain’t What It Used To Be:  What Your Kids are Learning About Sex Today - And How to Teach Them to be Sexually Healthy Adults” by Logan Levkoff